… Can we please stop pretending that talking about “barsexuals” aka “bisexual when drunk” isn’t also biphobic and erasing. Seriously.
Barsexual. Yeah, because bi or bi-curious people are totally the only people who have to get a drink or two into themselves to get up the courage to do the stuff they’d really like to do.
The problem I have with “barsexuals” is not that they get drunk and act out on suppressed wants or feelings. The problem is that a lot of them are women who only get drunk and make out with girls to turn on their boyfriend or some random dude who is the person that they are actually trying to fuck.
It is people like that who are part of the reason why when I say I am bisexual a lot of people don’t take me seriously.
There’s so much wrong with this attitude that I’m not sure where to begin but I’m going to try and break this down into stages.
1. The behaviour of a straight woman who kisses a girl to turn a boy on, is completely indistinguishable from the behaviour of a bi woman who kisses a girl both to turn a boy on and to turn herself on. Ergo, don’t condemn the behaviour. You’re encouraging people to be suspicious of girls’ motives for kissing each other, which does nothing for the pressure on bi people to prove their bisexuality. In particular, feminine, girly girls will always be perceived as straight girls doing it for men. Explain to me why being encouraging people to be suspicious of girls’ motives in kissing other girls—which is incidentally, their personal business—is helpful?
2. Exactly how do you know that they’re kissing each other to turn a boy on, and they’re not just saying that because it feels safer? Let people hide FFS.
3. Say two straight girls Emma and Jade (names are made up, hope they don’t pertain to anything) decide to make out for fun and to turn the guys on, and Pete comes in and concludes from this that all bi girls ever are straight girls making out to turn boys on. In what universe is that Emma and Jade’s fault rather than Pete’s? IT IS THE FAULT OF GENERALISING ASSHOLE, not the straight girls who wanted a bit of fun, or even to experiment in an environment that felt safe!
Think about it: do you hate women who like shoe shopping because it reinforces the stereotype that all women like shoe shopping? Do you hate women who want a husband and children because it reinforces the stereotype that all women want husband and children? Do you hate bisexuals who are promiscuous, because it reinforces the stereotype that all bisexuals are promiscuous? Then why do you hate girls who make out with each other to turn guys on, because it reinforces the stereotype that all girls who make out want to turn guys on? How does that make sense?
It is the fault of the generalising asshole. Also
- it is the fault of the generalising asshole
It is the fault of the generalising asshole
It is the fault of the generalising asshole.
NOT THE PEOPLE WHO HAPPEN TO CONFORM TO A STEREOTYPE.
4. Not everyone is straightforward gay, straight or 50/50 bi. For some people it’s a really long process of getting to know your sexuality and thinking you’re straight and then thinking you’re gay, and then thinking you’re bi but hetero-leaning, but then swinging more the other way. Story of my life. Being allowed to experiment without being judged—and yes, sometimes while remaining in the closet—is REALLY IMPORTANT for some people. So again, let people hide and if that leads to some unfortunate generalisations, blame the generalising asshole